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Rust Never Sleeps

Rust Never Sleeps

Rust never sleeps- and neither do we. Ok, that might not be entirely true, but you can be damn sure when we're not working with bikes, or riding them chances are we are probably still thinking about them- even in our sleep.

Just the other night I was dreaming about a better Codeine, I know, it's a crazy notion, but bear with me. A lighter, skippier bike with perfect wheels that could take a real beating. With wider rims for a bigger, grippier contact patch between rider and the ground that helped tackle adverse camber sections with reckless abandon. I dreamt of a jet black handlebar, fashioned out of purest carbon, stiff enough to give steering precision but with a tiny little bit of magical trail-buzz damping built in to smooth out the ride. I dreamt of an uncluttered cockpit with a Reverb lever flipped and taking the space where otherwise a front shifter lever might once have lived. I pictured myself tackling downhills so steep that I needed more than 125mm of Reverb travel to tackle them and found myself fondling a beautifully forged QR seat collar.

I glided through the Peak District aboard this stead, with my wagon wheels eating up the small bumps and undulations in the terrain. A relaxed front end geometry blended together with 140mm of Plush Rockshox Pike travel to flatten anything the trail threw at me. Out back a fit and forget Rockshox Monarch Plus Debonair rear shock provided endless feeling rear travel and supple small-bump compliance that other shocks, and I, could only dream of. I smiled smugly to myself in my sleep at the notion of never having to dick around with multiple compression settings ever again or having to take that bloody spanner with me in my Camelback in case I fancied altering how the rear end suspension tracked mid-ride. I was content- at last.

As I careened from dreamy rock to rock I remained untroubled. Where once my travels were occasioned by the sound of chain clanking off the front ring, in my dream the chain guide of my wildest fantasy the MRP 1X remained steadfast and held my chain in a vice-like grip- even in those conditions when a narrow wide ring and clutch mech can sometimes yield. My pedals turned endlessly without effort as the bike of my dreams carried me up-hill and down dale. Sram's XO1 10-42 rear cassette ratio and a 30t ring up front provided me with all the legs I needed to tackle any climb and never held me back on the downy pointing bits where I had plenty of legs left for even that fastest sections.

I winched myself through the up-hills and plummeted down the descents with nary a care in the world. I had tyre grip to spare, suspension so plush it made velvet seem threadbare and a set of brakes in the new Sram Guide RSC that provided all the raw power, comfortable modulation and lever and pad adjustability that a mere mortal could ever desire.

And when finally I awakened from my fantasy bike ride I woke up to find that the Codeine of my dreams had been assembled, and put for sale on the On-One website. The bike minions had made magic happen while I slept, and bugger me if they hadn't knocked £100 off the cost into the bargain- somebody pinch me I must be dreaming!

5 December 2014


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