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Randalised on the Big Ring

Randalised on the Big Ring North Yorkshire, Wayne Randall, 225 miles. All the ingredients for a nightmare on wheels Having not cycled any longer than 50 miles since september, and that is just on a turbo trainer.. I was a little worried that my double ironman endurance was not still in the bank account. My last encounter with the Bag Rat was in the National 3 Up TTT where i got shelled out after about 100 yards and spent the next 15 breathing out of my arse just to get back onto the wheel, let alone take a turn on the front. In full TT effort, Wayne just comes past and says "put sum effort in lad". So of course, a little apprehensive about learning that Wayne has "added some loops" and brought his nutter mates along. Duggie, the saving grace, sets the Chimney Bank challenge, so even if i cant hold my own with the specialist road boys, i'll have a crack at the big ring challenge. Cant be done, so they say, but when i do all my hill reps on 72 inch fixed, i know what trackstanding is all about so it was always going to be snap the chain or die trying. Always up for a big ring challenge me. Onto the ride....saturday was a pleasant enough pace, no regard for the highway code, but then we were oop north. There i was chatting away with legends of Hawaii, Hellreigal and Smith and bang....the first split at 56 miles. It was quite social til then, but not sure who came with me and who were the casualties but i made the jump. Did the group wait...did they hell. It then became carnage as the pace was tapped out at 25-30mph and we hit the first big climb. Off went Randle, Pop went about half the pack, I chased Randle followed by the young, talented but suicidal Sam Harrison and the 3 of us opened up a gap. What the hell was i doing??? I dont want to be in a 3 up with Randle for as long as i live and despite trying my hardest, i slipped off the pace and joined a small group including Wiltshire, Freedman, Hellreigal, Compo and Dieter. This was no easier as the pace got silly, there was no easy climbs..everyone willy waving to show their strength to get to the top first, but no one was waiting for stragglers. We cut Randle off at the pass with about 10 mile to go and we got a sniff of the rat. We tried to organise a piss up in a brewery, but failed to make any impact on Randle, who continued to pull away. I had a daredevil ride off the front but made no difference. The carnage ended when i ended up in the sea on the sprint to Boggle Hole... Day 2: 2 groups...easy and mental. No worries if we missed a turn, there was no map anyway, no one knew the way, but who cares..Randle was leading. Saddle bags, gels and bottles flying everywhere, hills galore and no mercy shown. Either keep with the group or fook off home...the long way. Kamikaze descents caused splits in the group between those with brain cells and those who had a life outside of cycling. Every 2-3 mins there was a split and then a gut busting sprint to get back to the group. Every time there was a split, the pace went up. After the first 33% climb, Randle, Harrison and Johnson (king of recovery) got away and with a chase group of Smith, Freedman, McConnel, Wiltshire, Dieter and Davies it took a good 4 miles to reel them back in. Nothing like sore legs and burning lungs to prepare for the big ring challenge. 33% and steepest road in the UK...and in the big ring....comparitively easy compared to what was coming. I was tempted to give it another go to double the winnings, but i needed to save the numb legs for the next 90 miles. The rest started badly after being left behind on the descent, but then the next 40 miles of Wayne's world, adding loop after loop to draw a map as the pissed crow flies was interesting if a little more steady. More carnage at Pontefract as a small hill caught a few one of them and then spent 10 mins solo TT to get back to the randle group. No sooner had i made the jump, Randle and Johnson got the sniff of Barnsley and took off with the chase group giving it the large barely seconds after i found a wheel. Johnson came back, Randle went home to find some more victims and the various PX bogglers rolled in to Barnsley for the rest of the evening. What better way to spend the weekend. I'm already looking forward to the next be arranged the next time Randle is busy. Cheers all, great group!

2 March 2009


  • TallPaul

    If Hewel "Bend the Bars" Davies found it this tough what chance us mere mortals. Recognising somewhere I knew around 40miles I came out the back, 30 left to get home into a headwind, deep joy! Wiltshire shared a few more parts of his cunning "Hard man" training plan, which I aim to use before the round of Randalisation: 1. 200 mile a week on t'road (lumpier the better), turbo is f'tossas! 2. Sleep in shop doorways and hedgebottoms (only on frosty nights) 3. Pluck leg and testicle hair with pliers for the streamlined look. 4. Inhale calor from caravan bottle to increase lung capacity! Take care not to smoke at this time! 5. Remove windscreen from car and drive at excessive speeds to get used to seeing thru' watery eyes for steep descents. I reckon about 10 weeks on this plan I should last till 50. Bring it on!

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